What makes you worth it?
that startled me. because honestly, i don't know why.
me. utterly ordinary. plain and uninteresting. don't even get me started about my obvious shortcomings. but here's my mental breakdown on the usual things expected that an average teenager shoud be proud of . or at least possess.

sports. any kind of sport. i suck at it. my hand eye body  coordination is so awful i trip on my own feet.

my obvious lack of dexterity means i cant dance. at all. so i guess it's a good thing i missed the prom.

another thing i can't do? be musical. i can't sing or even figure out how to play a single damned instrument. i tried to play guitar but the guitar broke by itself.

this is pathetic. even games hate me, computer games. or anything like that. i'm unbelievably pathetic. i guess it proves how sloooow my reflexes are.

and i can't be a nerd because i get low grades. okay average-ey. and math hates me. but it's okay since i hate math too.

i don't remember stuff very well. or so i think.
i get lost often but i can still find my way back home. somehow.
i don't have people skills. i actually sort of repel them.
i can't flirt. well cause i don't know how.
i can't divide!

i feel like doing what i always do. yep. absolutely nothing. or maybe coupled with a bit of daydreaming i suppose. just me sitting, trying to smoke a few cigs while im at it. but its kinda hard to do when it's unbearably hot. i'm on the verge of being manic-deppressive actually. but i dont think it'll surprise anyone, since i've been more or else a walking zombie around here, which saddens me. Was i really this way or what did happen that i became.. nearly a stone. but when i look back, i never was in tune with the people around me. when i am happy i become obsessed with trying to stay that way that i completely forgot the essence of it. i guess its hard being with me. i don't want to drag them down now. so i'll just be hibernating for now. being lonely is always better that cheering up on the outside.

waiting for this new book. breaking dawn.........

i knew i hate undone trilogy- quadlogy what ever.

awwww. and if its going  to be released on august ba for sure its going to be in hardbound- which means its gonna be expensive-er.

awwwww.......

hehehe. am rocking socks off in ilo-ilo. well not really.

it's very peaceful and quiet here. (i dont know if that's for me)\

but the food is superb. had a taste of the native chicken egg, and i love it.:p

i wouldn't eat anything else cause i hate vegetables. so my lola is annoyed saying it's fresh and yummy blah blah blah. but i dont know. i never ate veggies when i was a kid and i wont now. :p

right now i'm at sm ilo-ilo, netopia. so bored. it's like all the other sm's. hmmmm. at least i know now where to get my ticket for cebu. oooh and this place is three hours to kalibo, aklan. so i might hit boracay soon too.:)

pardon because i haven't uploaded the pics yet. i don't have my usb with me. but i did shoot the plains, the planes, and well. everything green. shit everywhere there's fields. which is good. lots of food here. well meat and fish isn't that cheap here. almost the same price as manila only a wee bit lower.

people here sleep early so i am really bored at night. if you recieve a message in 8pm. that's prolly me. and they wake up eaaarly. grrr.:p

its a really nice place with very friendly people. they very nice and very accomodating. it's true when they say Ilongga's are malambing. they are very magiliw and hospitable. they really do help you out. I love it when in the jeepney people know each other. goes to show how friendly and close knit everyone is here.

by the way. another reason to go here is the new airport. shit i wish i could share pictures with you people. i love the iloilo airport its a few minutes to sm. and its great really orderly and the arrival area is not congested. smells new pa.:p hehe.

mmmm. i saw the original biscocho house on the way here. i don't know which is better that or the old biscocho house? oh well. oh, and if you know anything worth doing while im here say it. and i really really want to go guimaras too. and eat mangoes. haha!

b.t.w. i'm not really missing manila that much. maybe i am semi-enjoying my vacation. but i am semi-culture shocked here.

text me people.:o

todayi remembered him,

listened to his songs. then i saw on youtube.

today is his death anniversary. really weird. it was like. mmmm. good times.

Kurt Cobain. i worship his talent.

im gonna get a.

dream vacation.

and a new guitar!! :))

my friend. gots to be my inspiration to lose weight. (aside from nicole richie) :)

charles reyes: i iwsh i was the person today..
laurengaileiscute: oh man.
laurengaileiscute: i hope i can
charles reyes: wushu
charles reyes: bola
laurengaileiscute: di ah
laurengaileiscute: my dirty mouth makes it hard to believe im a nice person
charles reyes: hmmm
charles reyes: dirrty mouth
laurengaileiscute: man i wanna be tall
charles reyes: hmm
laurengaileiscute: can you help me?
laurengaileiscute: what should i fuckin do?
charles reyes: how?
charles reyes: yoga
charles reyes: lots of it
laurengaileiscute: yoga??!
charles reyes: yeah
charles reyes: it'll streach you alot...
charles reyes: and its gonna keep you fit
laurengaileiscute: hmmmmmm
laurengaileiscute: sounds good
laurengaileiscute: i think pilates.
laurengaileiscute: iuno are they the same?
charles reyes: they aint
charles reyes: mag yoga ka
charles reyes: or asking me for advice would make no sense
laurengaileiscute: okay!
laurengaileiscute: hmmmm yoga isn't that popular here
laurengaileiscute: they offer belly dancing in fitness first and gold's gym but not yoga!
charles reyes: magtanongtanong ka
laurengaileiscute: haaaaaaaay the elusive size 0!!!!
laurengaileiscute: hey!
laurengaileiscute: you think not sleeping is bad for my height?
charles reyes: of course it is
charles reyes: get lots of sleep too
charles reyes: and lots of meat
laurengaileiscute: shit hey
laurengaileiscute: does milk help?
charles reyes: protein and calcium does
laurengaileiscute: oh okay!
charles reyes: so get lots of meat
charles reyes: from land animals
laurengaileiscute: oh man!
laurengaileiscute: that's gonna be hard
laurengaileiscute: i want to be tall but i wanna be stick skinny too!
charles reyes: you cant do both at the same time
charles reyes: one after the other dapat
laurengaileiscute: aww man
charles reyes: first the tall part
charles reyes: get lots of meat
charles reyes: sleep alot
charles reyes: and exercise just to burn the fats out
charles reyes: dont burn calories, burn fats
laurengaileiscute: hmmmm...
laurengaileiscute: how????
laurengaileiscute: i do the gym.... sometimes.
charles reyes: and dont multitask
laurengaileiscute: but i always feel drained
laurengaileiscute: and i don't have the energy
charles reyes: treadmill walk pero mahaba
charles reyes: 'slow and steady
charles reyes: drink pleanty of water
charles reyes: not gatorade
charles reyes: water
charles reyes: para mawash din ung toxics
charles reyes: trust me on this man
charles reyes: tapos alam mo ung star margarine?
laurengaileiscute: o?
laurengaileiscute: star margarine?
charles reyes: oo
charles reyes: alam mo ba un?
laurengaileiscute: why?
charles reyes: dba sabi pampatankad un?
laurengaileiscute: i don't believe it.
laurengaileiscute: why?
charles reyes: hindi kasi kinakain un
charles reyes: pinapahid un
laurengaileiscute: huh?!!!!!
laurengaileiscute: di nga?!
charles reyes: hahahaha
laurengaileiscute: are you shitting me?
laurengaileiscute: hahahaha
charles reyes: i love that joke
charles reyes: it never gets old
laurengaileiscute: oh man!
laurengaileiscute: that got me
charles reyes: hahahha
charles reyes: anyhoo
charles reyes: meat is the key
laurengaileiscute: hmmm
laurengaileiscute: what about cherifer?
charles reyes: lots of protein
charles reyes: you can down that too
charles reyes: para nga lang xang marijuana
charles reyes: lakas magpagutom
laurengaileiscute: oh my
charles reyes: mapapakain ka dun
charles reyes: so make sure na bago mo xa inumin at magkick
laurengaileiscute: so its just an appetite increaser?
charles reyes: meat ang nakahanda sayo
charles reyes: yeah
laurengaileiscute: shit
charles reyes: para makatangkad
charles reyes: depende naman kasi talaga sa kinakain un eh
charles reyes: so keep on making chibog
laurengaileiscute: how about veggies?
charles reyes: the right food dapat
laurengaileiscute: i don't eat them by the way
charles reyes: broccoli
laurengaileiscute: ewwwwwww
charles reyes: that should be an exemption
charles reyes: anong ewwe?
charles reyes: masarap xa pag buttered and steamed
laurengaileiscute: ewww
charles reyes: tapos ang dip ko cheese..
laurengaileiscute: i hate veggies
charles reyes: hmmn..
charles reyes: im glad im never gonna get married to someone like u man..
laurengaileiscute: hahahaha
laurengaileiscute: i know
charles reyes: ur like my worst nightmare
charles reyes: friends lang talaga tayo
laurengaileiscute: i mean
laurengaileiscute: they say
laurengaileiscute: love your body
laurengaileiscute: cause men like curves! not skeletons
laurengaileiscute: i said, i dont want a man i want a modelling job!!
charles reyes: they also say you are what u eat
charles reyes: you cant live in modeling alone man
charles reyes: i mean
laurengaileiscute: but... but...
charles reyes: i got a ton of skills
charles reyes: i can live by myself and earn my own money
charles reyes: but i chose not to cause i want an education
laurengaileiscute: hmmm
charles reyes: something no one can take away
charles reyes: gets??
laurengaileiscute: good man, good..... for you....
charles reyes: life isnt about being an airhead and being vain
laurengaileiscute: you know. glad i'm not.
charles reyes: its about taking care of your mind body and soul
laurengaileiscute: i'm gonna work for it
charles reyes: and getting things done
laurengaileiscute: cause it's what i want.
charles reyes: dapat
laurengaileiscute: hmmmm. balance?
charles reyes: get things done man
laurengaileiscute: okay.
charles reyes: if you want to grow taller you gots to have a healthy sleeping time
charles reyes: its like 4 am there!!
laurengaileiscute: yeah......
charles reyes: so go on
charles reyes: if you realy want my advice..
laurengaileiscute: awww...
charles reyes: i say eat healthy and sleep healthy
laurengaileiscute: okay!
laurengaileiscute: i will
laurengaileiscute: i'll try really
charles reyes: meat
charles reyes: no carbs
laurengaileiscute: so how about carbs?
charles reyes: just meat and veggies
laurengaileiscute: oh.
charles reyes: fast food doesnt count
laurengaileiscute: potatoes no?
charles reyes: nope
laurengaileiscute: and corn no?
charles reyes: you can have kamote
charles reyes: no starch either
laurengaileiscute: sweet potato?
charles reyes: no corn
charles reyes: yes
laurengaileiscute: no bread?
charles reyes: sweet potato is good
charles reyes: no bread
charles reyes: not even wheat bread
laurengaileiscute: oh
charles reyes: im like 200 now
laurengaileiscute: for real?
charles reyes: i used to be 250 man
charles reyes: quarter of a ton
laurengaileiscute: aww im soo impressed!
charles reyes: im not telling you to listen to me
charles reyes: im telling you to listen to yerself
laurengaileiscute: are you a fastfood addict before?
charles reyes: know what you want man
charles reyes: not really
charles reyes: home cooked meal and and lots of chips
laurengaileiscute: hmmm yes i know, because i don't want to have the jiggly fat i have now.
laurengaileiscute: chips?
charles reyes: just sweat it of
laurengaileiscute: hmmm
charles reyes: im a chip addict
laurengaileiscute: can i still go to the gym?
charles reyes: no junk man
charles reyes: ofcourse you can
laurengaileiscute: how about now? do you still get lays?
laurengaileiscute: *potato chips
charles reyes: i cant get laid, its cold out here
charles reyes: oooooooh
charles reyes: uhm
charles reyes: every once in a while nalang
laurengaileiscute: ah okay!
laurengaileiscute: hmmm.
laurengaileiscute: when i go to the gym kasi
laurengaileiscute: i get tired so easily.
laurengaileiscute: then my muscles really really hurt
charles reyes: kain ka muna bago ka mag gym
laurengaileiscute: oh.
charles reyes: and streach kasi
laurengaileiscute: ooops
charles reyes: this time only do cardio
laurengaileiscute: i do cardio muna
charles reyes: and lots and lots of it
laurengaileiscute: only cardio?!
charles reyes: yeah
charles reyes: no weights
charles reyes: you downing protein man
charles reyes: pag nag weights ka magiging hulk ka
charles reyes: hahaha
charles reyes: just sweat it out man
laurengaileiscute: oh yeah
laurengaileiscute: hmmmm
laurengaileiscute: gotta love the threadmill now i guess
laurengaileiscute:
charles reyes: 30mins treadmil
charles reyes: tig 30 sa bawat cardio machine
laurengaileiscute: the ski machine?
charles reyes: sa lahat
laurengaileiscute: and stairs master
laurengaileiscute:
charles reyes: ang speed mo laging 3
laurengaileiscute: slow?!!!
charles reyes: yeah
laurengaileiscute: max is 8
charles reyes: thats how u burn fats
charles reyes: slow but long
laurengaileiscute: consistency?
charles reyes: yes
charles reyes: be consistent
laurengaileiscute: awww
laurengaileiscute: hmmm
laurengaileiscute: i used to go there 4x a day
laurengaileiscute: how about now?
charles reyes: hmm
laurengaileiscute: but i leave again for a month
charles reyes: tig ilang hour ung 4 timesmo?
laurengaileiscute: cause by then i'll be totally drained
laurengaileiscute: hmmm mga 1/12
charles reyes: thats wrong man
laurengaileiscute: 1 and a half
laurengaileiscute: includes rest
laurengaileiscute: rest about 10 minuts lang
laurengaileiscute: ?
charles reyes: heres what you do
charles reyes: everyday for 1 and a half hours
charles reyes: choose yer time
charles reyes: pero its best in the mornng
laurengaileiscute: hmmm
laurengaileiscute: okay. everyday
charles reyes: eat your breakfast muna
charles reyes: 3 eggs and hotdogs
charles reyes: whatever
charles reyes: just have meat
laurengaileiscute: that's a loooot!
charles reyes: your gonna burn it off naman eh
charles reyes: you only go to the gym after 2 hours
charles reyes: or have weetabix
charles reyes: ever heard of it?
laurengaileiscute: weetabix???
charles reyes: ever heard of it?
laurengaileiscute: nope
laurengaileiscute: what's that?
charles reyes: sa healthy options lang xa mabibili
charles reyes: you mix it with milk
charles reyes: thats my favorite bfast
charles reyes: but eggs and some meat is better
charles reyes: tpos after 2hrs
laurengaileiscute: oh!
charles reyes: go to the gyym
laurengaileiscute: weetabix?
laurengaileiscute: what is it?
charles reyes: yah
laurengaileiscute: food supplement?
charles reyes: its whole wheat that you soak in milk
charles reyes: no man
charles reyes: it has zero calories
laurengaileiscute: oh man!
laurengaileiscute: like creal?
charles reyes: nope
charles reyes: nothing like cereals
charles reyes: anyhoo
charles reyes: i want you to portion your meals into 7
laurengaileiscute: that helps to lose weight?
charles reyes: yes
laurengaileiscute: 7 small meals?
charles reyes: yes
charles reyes: avery two hours
charles reyes: about a hundred calories each
laurengaileiscute: hmmmm
charles reyes: yes
charles reyes: all protein
charles reyes: and fiber
charles reyes: tahts the best combination mixed with a good exercise
laurengaileiscute: hmmm im gonna give up the rice.
charles reyes: yes
charles reyes: dont buy rice na
laurengaileiscute: even brown rice?
charles reyes: yes
laurengaileiscute: shit seeing people here eat rice.
charles reyes: not even that
laurengaileiscute:
laurengaileiscute: okay!
charles reyes: just dont have any
laurengaileiscute: this is a challenge
charles reyes: yes it is
charles reyes: i lost 50 pounds in 3 months man
charles reyes: same diet
laurengaileiscute: so just hmmm a third of what i usually eat?
charles reyes: pero may weights ung akin
charles reyes: no half
laurengaileiscute: because i'll divide it to 7
charles reyes: pero protein lahat
laurengaileiscute: half, hmmm
laurengaileiscute: okay.
laurengaileiscute: hey
charles reyes: tapos multiply mo into 7
laurengaileiscute: soy milk or real milk?
charles reyes: real milk
laurengaileiscute: not the skim milk
charles reyes: no soy
laurengaileiscute: notofu????
charles reyes: it has more protein in it
charles reyes: you can have as much tofu as you want
charles reyes: no sweets too
laurengaileiscute: great!
laurengaileiscute: aww damn
laurengaileiscute: i was afraid you were gonna say that
charles reyes: sweet is carb
charles reyes: you dont want carb
charles reyes: and no weird starbucks coffee
charles reyes: cafe americano is the only exemption
charles reyes: nothing sweet, period
laurengaileiscute: black muddy coffee!!!
laurengaileiscute: hmmm
laurengaileiscute: how about sugar?
laurengaileiscute: i mean the sand sugar
laurengaileiscute: a tbspoon of it
charles reyes: is that salty?
laurengaileiscute: i love coffee but i'm thinking of switching to tea
laurengaileiscute: what do you think?
charles reyes: tea is good
charles reyes: the good kind dapat
laurengaileiscute: better than coffee?
charles reyes: yes
laurengaileiscute: yup!
charles reyes: but not the bagged tea
laurengaileiscute: leaves?!!!
charles reyes: you leaves dapat
charles reyes: yes
laurengaileiscute: oh man
charles reyes: and oh
laurengaileiscute: hmmm?
charles reyes: chew alot before you swallow ur food
laurengaileiscute: oh
charles reyes: puro meat dapat
charles reyes: thats super strict man
laurengaileiscute: hmmm
laurengaileiscute: wait you said puro meat
laurengaileiscute: can i get kfc?
charles reyes: after a week your gonna feel like puking
laurengaileiscute: just omit the rice?
charles reyes: yes
charles reyes: listen muna
laurengaileiscute: goody!
laurengaileiscute: huh?
charles reyes: after a couple of weeks on having the same diet your gona feel like puking
laurengaileiscute: really?
charles reyes: its gonna be the worst feeling
charles reyes: yes realy
laurengaileiscute: what? why???
charles reyes: the processis called ketosis
laurengaileiscute: even with variety?
charles reyes: your body now has zero carbs
charles reyes: and gets the energy from meat
laurengaileiscute: oh
charles reyes: fat will no longer run in ur system
charles reyes: your body now takes the energy from animal fat and animal meat
laurengaileiscute: oh
charles reyes: both easiest to digest
charles reyes: gets?
laurengaileiscute: reall?
charles reyes: if not 2 weeks maybe a month
laurengaileiscute: so why does that make me puke?
charles reyes: depends on how you realy are devoted
charles reyes: naninibago ung body mo
laurengaileiscute: no cheatingh huh?
charles reyes: absolutly
laurengaileiscute: oh
charles reyes: niloloko mog sarili mo if you cheat
charles reyes: might as well not do it at all
laurengaileiscute: okay!
charles reyes: exercise every morning man
laurengaileiscute: yeah
charles reyes: 2hrs after breakfast
laurengaileiscute: hmmm
laurengaileiscute: it doesn't have to everyday be in the gym right?
charles reyes: then when you get home, you can eat after 2 hrs ulit
charles reyes: everyday exept a day
laurengaileiscute: like walking around the village and situps?
charles reyes: u need the resting day
charles reyes: sit ups is good
laurengaileiscute: great!
charles reyes: cardio man
charles reyes: lots of it
charles reyes: and eat every 2 hrs
laurengaileiscute: i'll keep it in check
charles reyes: or every half an hour
laurengaileiscute: mmmm how about supplements?
charles reyes: wag muna
laurengaileiscute: i'll stop centrum?
charles reyes: multi =vitamins naman un eh
charles reyes: everyday dapat un after bfast
charles reyes: pero after a week of your strict diet..
laurengaileiscute: ahhh!
laurengaileiscute: okay.
laurengaileiscute: so i'll concentrat on that muna
charles reyes: yes
charles reyes: stretch alot
laurengaileiscute: kasi i want to tone din my muscles
charles reyes: and sleep alot
charles reyes: tone em by streching
charles reyes: un na ung pinaka toning nila
charles reyes: itl make em softer to grow
laurengaileiscute: ah okay!
charles reyes: for the bones
charles reyes: after a week mag cheriffer kna
laurengaileiscute: hahahaha
charles reyes: pero same crap
charles reyes: padin diet mo
charles reyes: lots of cardio man
charles reyes: lotsof rest
laurengaileiscute: i'll have energy naman right?
laurengaileiscute: i mean
laurengaileiscute: i wont always
laurengaileiscute: feel tired anymore?
charles reyes: you always will
charles reyes: have energy
charles reyes: youre gonna burn it nga dba?
laurengaileiscute: yup
laurengaileiscute: kasi like now. i always feel tired
laurengaileiscute: i can feel my body is fucked up
laurengaileiscute: kasi i dont eat much and i dont sleep
charles reyes: tama
charles reyes: so do what i tell you
charles reyes: im gonna take a nap na
laurengaileiscute: okay!
charles reyes: sleep now!
laurengaileiscute: hahahaha
charles reyes: now!
charles reyes: now!
charles reyes: now!
charles reyes: now!
charles reyes: now!
charles reyes: NOW!
laurengaileiscute: thanks!
laurengaileiscute: im gonna save this convo
charles reyes: anything for you dear

TEN THIS OR THAT?
1. Love or money? Money. haha
2. Hard liquor or beer?: hard liquor. (tastes better)
3. Cats or dogs? dogs, but i like cats too. as long as they're cuddly.
4. A few best friends or many regular friends? few bestest best friends, lots of acquaintances.
5. Television or Internet? internet? and television. or i'll just go out. or read a book. f*ck it. i'm too indecisive.
6. Pepsi or coke? coke? iced tea. not nestea.
7. Wild night out or romantic night in? romantic night out.
8. Money or Happiness? both..?
9. Night or day? Night, so walang traffic. haha!
10. YM or phone? both.?


TEN PREFERENCES IN A RELATIONSHIP
1. Smile or eyes: eyes.
2. Light or dark hair: dark hair.
3. Hugs or kisses: both.
4. Intelligence or attraction: both.
5. Hook-up or relationship: relationship. (which comes so often.......)
6. Trust or love?: BOTH!
7. Long distance or close?: uhm short distance..
8. Call or text?: call!!!
9. Older or younger?: Older, i don't want to be a babysitter.
10.Looks or Personality: both.


***************************************

THE LETTER 'A'
Are you Available? maybe but not to everyone.
What is your Age? **
What Annoys you? traffic. other people being late. i-dont-feel-pretty-days.

The Letter "B"
When is your birthday? sept. 30
Bestfriend? angie? yara, che, pel. kamole?

The Letter "C"
favorite Chocolate? panu ba i spell yun? ghirardelli?? ahhh dammit.. kitkat!! :)).
Crush? hmmm. spiderman! 
the last time you cried? ah! can't remember accurately eh.

THE LETTER 'D'
Do you Daydream? Yes, sometimes. when i have nothing better to do.
What's your favorite kind of Dog? little cute cuddly dogs.
What Day of the week is it? uhmm? terrible tuesday? hahaha!! kidding!!

'E'
Have you ever been in the Emergency room? when i overreacted from a tummyache.
you have a crush that starts w/ letter E? yes. hahaha!!! very feeeww (emphasis on the few) people knows who!! haha

LETTER 'F'
Favorite Flower? no one has ever given me flowers... so i don't like flowers. :))

LETTER 'G'
Do you chew Gum? sometimes. but i'm not a big fan of it.
you a Giver or a taker? both.

THE LETTER 'H'
What color is your Hair? blackish brownish????

THE LETTER 'I'
What's your favorite Ice cream? caramel? cookies and cream? anything that's sweet but doesn't hurt your throat kind of sweet. so i vote haagen dazs.
Have you ever Ice skated? yes!
Do you play an Instrument? i used to try and make ligaw the guitar but i had to sacrifice getting manicures! amp haha! (actually i was too dumb to play the guitar)

THE LETTER 'J'
What's your favorite Jelly bean? uhh.. yeah the red one too..
Have you ever heard a really hilarious Joke? hahaha. does this question count as a joke?
Do you wear Jewelry? no, i'm not an accessories type of girl. i prefer things to be simple and not over top. (oh who am i kidding?)

THE LETTER 'K'
Who do you want to Kill? none.
Do you want Kids? not really.
Where did you attend Kindergarten? c.w.l. now i don't remember what it stands for, but i remember getting in trouble for cutting my classmate's "carlo ata name niya?" hair.

THE LETTER 'M'
What's your favorite Movie? uhmmm anything that's not well thought of, mga pang masa movies.. (foreign and local alike)
Do you still watch disney Movies? yata?
Do you love mangoes? must be ripe and really sweet.

THE LETTER 'N'
Do you have a Nickname? yes.
Whats your favorite Number? 9
Do you prefer Night over day? yup.

THE LETTER 'O'
What's your One wish? ***

THE LETTER 'P'
What one fear are your most Paranoid about? losing. failure.
What's a Personality trait that you look for in the opposite sex? his ability to withstand my moods, nagging and occasional bossy-ness. care and understanding.  

THE LETTER 'Q'
Are you Quick to judge people? sometimes.

THE LETTER 'R'
Do you watch Reality tv? Yes. sometimes, when i'm in the mood.

THE LETTER 'S'
Do you prefer sun or rain? cloudy..
Do you like Snow? Not really. ayos lang?
Season? Spring

THE LETTER 'T'
What Time is it? 1:05am
What time did you wake up? 7:00 am

THE LETTER 'V'
Whats the worst veggie? green leafy vegetables.
Where do you want to go on Vacation? hongkong.

THE LETTER 'W'
What's your Worst habit? trying to please people who's not worth it. being late always. not saving enough.

THE LETTER 'X'
Have you ever had an X-ray? not that i can remember.
Do own a xylophone? no.

THE LETTER 'Y'
Do you like the color yellow? Not as much as my sister does. but ironically my room is yellow.
Whats one thing you Yearn for? Fortune?

THE LETTER 'Z'
Whats your Zodiac sign? Libra. :p
Do you believe in the zodiac? yes, haha!

It's the things i didn't do that bothers me. Like I have this belief that i could accomplish anything if i set my heart into it. Well this is what happend. I got kicked out of high school (suspended, waivered, you know i got "the talk" from the teachers), have had bad relationships, emotionally draining tasks that i never did accomplished. hmm what else? oh yeah. NOT getting entrance tests to good universities... I mean, when i flash back to my life, when exactly did it start a downward spiral? or a better question? why oh WHY did i let myself go???? Geez. Now i am so ultra bored with life. i spend weeks looking forward to weekenders (geez what happened to my brain) now i have chronic insomnia, hence this blog on 3am proves it. hmm what else oh yeah. don't mention the modelling thing i'm not even taking it seriously. *double take*  well, what did i take up seriously? I mean that attitude left me with this "Jack of all trades, Master of none" persona. like im dabbling in things that'll only make me more confused and more out of the way from finding a job that can actually pay the bills. hmm. what passion do i have? oh yeah. well i am an ardent learner. both inside and outside of school. i just wish i wasn't so happy go lucky before. i mean ego aside but, whenever i get good grades without lifting a pen i try to see how far i could go. ever since i wasn't a big fan of the "homework, and yeah my notebooks looks clean! except for the doodles on the back. i wasted points for not taking down notes and notebook maintanance.. well so i didn't do those. my teachers were fine with it as long as i did well in the written and oral tests. and when i realized i was still okay, i started not paying attention in class. relying on little jumbled up words from teacher that i hear when my seatmate's voice is not that loud. hmm then i started going to school late. then staying at home missing school altogether, then that. i was exerting as much effort as i will fork mashed potatoes. i really wish i am in college. not studying dentistry but something that fulfills my needs. i want not only to learn but also to grow and mature. p.s. i'm not an airhead

oh yeah thunder janitor, that's what my high school friends (oh yeah guys) call this crush of mine. hahaha. i like it! i remember him when we were on the school grounds watching the clouds in the sky. because we were bored with the school program. i miss you F.! hahaha! :)

my first love.

the arts. theater.

i used to act

do orations, declaim and speeches (both prepared and impromptu)

i love it cause whenever i'm doing it i feel good about myself, some thing i really strive hard for cause i feel that it's my passion (that doesn't come very often) i believe i am very emotional, i have to problem showing anger, fury, hatred, joy, bliss, sadness. every feeling that the heart has known. i believe in not just portraying a charter but being them. living through the lines. creating a different persona apart from our own.

of course about memorizing a script i have no problem too. i know i have my moments but when i put my heart into it and learn it. it's not just simply reading. i know i must visualize. the lines flowing on smoothly in my head.

i miss the chaos of backstage. i miss being part of a production, i miss the sound of curtains being pulled, i miss the glaring stage lights, i miss that make or break feeling, i miss that euphoric sense of achievement when i hear the applause of the audience marking a job well done.

so. i'm gonna work on this. the big stage.

FUN REFLECTIONS ON LIFE!

1. Never raise your hands to your kids.
It leaves your groin unprotected.

2. I'm not into working out.
My philosophy is no pain, no pain.

3. I'm in shape. Round is a shape.

4. I'm desperately trying to figure out why Kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

5. Do you think illiterate people
get the full affect of alphabet soup?

6. I've always wanted to be somebody,
but I should have been more specific.

7. Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?

8. Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone
going faster than you is a maniac?

9. You have to stay in shape. My mother started walking five miles a day
when she was 60. She's 97 now and we have no idea where she is.

10. I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every
other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the
locks, they are always locking three of them.

11. One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends.
If they are OK, then it must be you.

12. They show you how detergent takes out bloodstains. I think if you've got a tee shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.

13. Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you
it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful,
but I only have photographs of her on the walls.

14. A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and
said, "Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?" I said, "I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too."

15. Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library,
the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.

- unknown

deep. dark. alone

cold, desolate, unforgiving.

it´s a place so sad. but it is said you won´t go here unless you want to. i mean we make our choices that might lead us away or to this place. locked up in a dark box of solitude serving time in misery.

and what did they do to deserve this?

sometimes it´s not really their fault. i call it

unrequited love.

some people sentence themselves to years, enduring their pain alone. shutting everyone else who are willing to help them. they shun away from happiness like they don´t deserve it, wallowing in self pity. It´s depressing because they choose to be sad.

i know that nothing lets out your feelings like a good cry.

but when you´ve been crying for more that 5 months you know it´s not his fault anymore.

Yes, the heart takes time to heal but there are more ways than one.

When you feel like you ought to take that leap do it. Everyone deserves a life nothing short of amazing.

When i saw his picture, can´t help but feel sad for a while. I mean he was the first. the one who first made me believe that someone as ugly as me could be loved. He, the one who took care of me, comforted me and made me smile.

But of course that was short lived.

The time it took for me to move on was longer than the span of our relationship. It was painful. Heart breaking. ü

When the relationship ended, i was expecting it. but not enough to toughen my heart. He deserves a smile for handling it like a man. He made it clear that it was over. Of course i had hope. Literally i chased him because I wanted him to see I changed, I was willing to work it out, make up for my shortcomings. But he already had other plans..... with another girl.

Now that was one thing i felt that I didn´t deserve. He knew how important that event would be to me. Just seeing him with her was excrutiating, but giving her a bouquet of flowers when he didn´t even bother giving me a leaf? I didn´t bother going to that event. That would´ve been the first and only time Í´d ever experience a prom but it´s better than everyone looking at me pitifully.

That also added to my pain. As if losing him wasn´t enough. I also lost my so called friends. They blamed me for HIM leaving ME.

Geez. But the way i see it now. Maybe he really did love me. I can´t say i was the best girlfriend ever and i had a lot of short comings but he can´t say i never tried. Maybe he was fed up. Or he couldn´t handle it anymore. Maybe he went to her because he was trying to get over me because our relationship was not healthy anymore.

I now can´t help but wonder. What if we didn´t meet then? What if we met at another time and place where both of us are mature and sensitive enough to have a fulfilling relationship? What will happen? Will it last longer? I don´t know. We´ve never met since March. I don´t know what Í´ll feel, If ever i see him with another girl I don´t think I´ll get hurt because of it, I think I´ve moved on already. After all a long time has passed already. Maybe If he looks in my direction I´ll give him a smile. But that´s it.

I can´t say I´m happy now. But I can´t say I´m miserable. A lot has happened since then. I gained experiences, learnings, happiness and pain that made me grow.

Now if anyone would ask me would i take back that episode of my life. I won´t. It really hurt but it´s love. I think what we had was real. At least from my side of the equation.

Writing about this is very hard especially in a public blog. people might start spreading whispers again. But what i know is what i believe in. I know he doesn´t love me anymore. I very much believe that. In fact i don´t think i love him anymore either. But my respect remains, I am very sentimental. I will always fondly remember those memories because i considered them important, He made me smile and cry. He will always be my first love.

Never be afraid to go get something you want.

Why try to please others? they`re not fuckin worth it.

If you love the head. Why are you eating the tail?

If someone calls you a bitch. Show to them the best bitch they have ever seen, you know it's because whatever they do, they can't match up to you.

Never take shit from anyone. Even the little stuff

You know your rights. You don't have to bend them.

If someone ever tries to copy my shit. I'll know because they'll never be half as creative as me to make one themselves.

loser.

Maraming beses na kitang nilayasan,
alam mo naman ang dahilan
Ngunit parang babaeng ayaw magpalimot
Lagi mo kong binabalikan

Manila, Manila
Nobody wants to be in Manila
Except the filipinos in probinsya
No, that's not my home!

Laking iwas ko sayo, Manila
Ingay mong kay sakit sa tenga
Mga jeepney mong nagbabanggaan
Sa batas trapiko'y walang pakundangan
Walang asenso dito sa Manila
When will this city let me go?
cause in this place i'll never grow.

Manila, Manila

( TO BE CONTINUED)

Your smile,

that i can never replace.

I can always find deep inside me.